JOURNAL SET 2, entry 2
HELPİNG ENDANGERED SPECİES
Those
peoples in this video are arguing to find ways to help endangered animals and
to save them. They try to find solutions to their problems. They make laws to protect them. This is a nice work. Everyone should do
something to help. Anyone should be sensitive about that like these people in video. Because there is a
problem that all people familiar: endangered species. All animals or plants are
important and all have their special tasks and they do it. But some species are
facing extinction because of some reasons. But it is a fact that all creatures
should be alive for natural balance. So people should do something to help
those endangered species to stay alive. In order to help endangered species,
it's important to understand the causes of their endangerment, such as habitat
loss, exploitation, pollution, climate change, invasive species and diseases.
Learn about community-based conservation with help from a science teacher and
field biologist in this free video on biology.
Bu yorum yazar tarafından silindi.
YanıtlaSilDear Halil İbrahim,
YanıtlaSilI liked reading your journal entry so much. You chose a crucial and controversial subject. I totally agree on your thoughts. You told what the video is about and rendered the problem which endangered species have confronted with. However, there are some grammer mistakes in your writing regarding 'but' and 'because'. To illustrate, in this sentence ''Anyone should be sensitive about that like these people in video. Because there is a problem that all people familiar: endangered species.'' you used 'because' in the beginning of the sentence and ended this sentence directly without adding another sentence to it. If you use 'because' in the first sentence, after it there should be a second sentence and here you should have turned these two sentences into one sentence and connect them with 'because' and all ‘but’ s should be written in the same way in your writing. As for your content, I liked it; you remarked your points efficiently. Likewise, your organization is also good, but a bit unusual. However, as it is free writing, it is normal and accepted; there is no problem. with regard to your language use, it is beautiful but it could have given more attention.Apart from these, I can say that you have a really nice style of writing and fluency :) It was enjoyable to read your paragraph, thanks a lot İbrahim :)